Your religious upbringing sounds terrible. I'm happy to hear that you were able to leave it behind, but sad that you've no energy left for creating your own philosophy.

I just wrote a two-part essay on the philosophies of hope of the group of philosophers known as Pragmatists. The one that comes closest to mine (which I am still developing) is Richard Rorty's, which I cover at the end of Part 2. I hope this helps.

https://erraticus.co/2022/10/27/what-can-pragmatists-hope-for-in-a-boundless-world/