This essay is my response to the following Twitter thread:
I’ll give it a try. First, I agree that “poetry, fiction, myths, art, and rituals” are generally far more emotionally resonant than philosophical texts. I was raised Episcopalian and A Mighty Fortress is Our God still gives me goosebumps.
Second, I long wished I could have the comfort and reassurance of religious faith. I’ve discussed with my religious friends how I envy them in some ways.
Third, I seem unable to have such faith because my rational side simply can’t embrace the irrational contradictions I find in all the theologies I’ve examined. I’ve read Kierkegaard and others about overcoming rationality with faith, but it hasn’t worked for me. They just don’t feel like a fit.
So I need philosophy (or at least rhetoric😉) to build my own system of faith that makes sense to me. That’s something I’ve been working on since ~age 13 (when I first felt the emotional impact of contemplating my own perpetual nonexistence), but it has only really picked up steam in the last 10 years or so, in the sense of trying to explain it by setting it down in writing.
All that being said, along the way I have had a few deeply emotional epiphanies sparked by philosophical texts. The first time this happened was reading White Mythology by Derrida. I still have a visceral image of walking out of the seminar room as my awareness of the power of deconstruction swept over me. I’d claim it was as strong as any religious revelation. Of course, another such occasion was reading Contingency, Irony, and Solidarity, where I felt an emotionally ecstatic sense of being recogized in Rorty’s description of the ironist. I’ve had a few other emotionally soul shaking philosophical encounters since then.
While I love the waves of emotion that wash over me from the “tenor in an arresting poem, stirring film score, mind-altering ritual, or awe-inspiring painting”, I’ve grown a bit suspicious of such “feels” simply because I am such a sucker for them. The opening scene/score of The Day After Tomorrow is guaranteed to bring tears to my eyes, as is my annual ritual of watching Ben Hur for Easter. But both are fantasies that, while they contain great truths, and arouse deep passion, are too incoherent to sustain my deep faith.
It’s taken me a lifetime, but I feel I’m on the verge of a philosophy that fulfills my reason, my imagination, and my emotions. So in the end, I’m happy that traditional religions didn’t work for me. It forced me to create my own understanding of the world.
As for practical fruits, it’s hard to ascribe the choices in my life specifically to particular philosophical beliefs, but I have no doubt that my philosophy impacts my overall behavior. It certainly has influenced my career path. If a job or a career isn’t meaningful for me in a broad and deep way, I have little hesitation about leaving it behind in hopes of finding a more meaningful one. So far, that’s worked out wonderfully for me.
It’s also impacted my parenting. Rather than try to instill what I find meaningful on our children, or to get them to conform to what beliefs or aspirations that I hold, I’ve tried to enable them to find their own sense of meaning and their own aspirations. I’m happy to say that so far, that’s also working out well.😉
